Just feel it

It’s 8:15pm on a Saturday night. I have a yummy glass of bubbly and a full tummy after homemade pizzas for dinner. I can hear Marty cleaning up in the kitchen and singing along to the music that is playing. It’s currently a Tay-Tay song and hearing him is making me smile. Chance is at the movies for a friend’s birthday party, and Quinn Darby and Julius are eating ice cream on the couch with Uncle Jacques and Cousin Nathan, watching The Lego Movie 2. We had an afternoon of Dungeons and Dragons with them and they all had such a great time. Before that we were up the coast for Marty’s youngest’s 8th birthday party at Lazerzone, and last night we were up at Marian’s for a sleepover.

It’s been a really huge 30 hours, only about 7 of which I spent asleep, so it’s no wonder I’m feeling kind of drained. It’s a “happily exhausted” state of being, with a touch of stress and overwhelm which seems to be my normal at the moment. I’m still getting used to those feelings hanging around most days in some form or other. I often find myself trying to fight them. I tell myself stories of “you should be grateful; you need to focus on the good things; don’t dwell; why are you being so emotional?” Yeah that voice can be super mean.

I am grateful. But I’m also stressed at the moment. And sometimes I just need to feel it and not add guilt to the mixed bag of emotions I’m going through. I know I’ve already written about this in the last week, and I guess that really tells me that it’s something that is very present in my life right now.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and I’m trying not to have too many expectations around it. The last few years have been so great, and that is mainly because I have set expectations low, and not tried to do to much or make it anything other than it is and that it will be. As long as I am surrounded by the people I love, all will be okay. More than okay.

The kids are giggling, I have words on the screen, and now Marty is singing along to a great cover of “Save Tonight.” How poetic. On that note, I’m going to join him in the kitchen, save tonight, and fight the break of dawn, because come tomorrow he will be gone, but thankfully not for long :-).


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *