Red flags

My friend sent me this little meme today, and I wrote back something like:

I think it’s okay to pop in to a carnival and go for a ride, rather than give it a miss out of fear.
Just as long as you don’t stay too long and become one of the carnies.

It’s hard when there are many different coloured flags, and the red ones don’t stand out when surrounded by a rainbow. But when the red flags start outnumbering all the others, it’s time to step back and look at the big picture.

Is it the carnival you thought it was? What you had hoped for?

It’s been nearly a year since I had my heart absolutely annihilated when the man I was seeing last year, let’s call him Carnie Joe, finally confessed, after months of suspicion from me (and him adding to a mounting collection of lies the whole time) and many many red flags among the rainbow, and I found out that he wasn’t in fact the person he assured me he was.

I completely bottomed out. After all I had already been through, it was just too much.

It’s been nearly a year since I started on some pretty gnarly meds to help me get out of the hole I was pushed into. The meds, and the best support crew I could ask for. And thankfully I don’t give it much thought anymore.

It’s been nearly a year since I lost my writing mojo, and that has left a huge void in my life. I think about that a lot.

It’s been nearly six months since I had an alcoholic beverage. I’ve had a taste or two of a fine wine, but nothing more. I needed to know I could do it. And I did.

So on this not so special day, I want to say hi. I don’t know if it’s true to say “I’m back” but tonight I felt like writing, and that is a marvelous feeling indeed.


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