Looking forward, being here

I often, like many people, find myself looking forward to things more than being in the here and now. After a great weekend away, it’s hard not to think about my next getaway (which is planned, but not booked for July). I’ve been somewhat sporadically practising meditation since December 2021. When Marty and I first got together, we both had a desire to start a meditation habit, so we started it together. I believe he has been a bit more regular with his habit, but I also know that once I start putting pressure on myself to do it every day, it actually gets harder. So I do it almost every day, and I’m not hard on myself when I miss days here and there. It’s when I’m only doing it on days here and there that it becomes something I want to work on.

Kind of like now.

I was just about to launch into a paragraph about how it’s been a few days since I opened up my Calm App to do my Daily Trip with Jeff Warren, and I realised “why not do it now?” So I clicked on the icon, and chuckled when I saw the title for today’s meditation: Running On Empty. Ah Jeff. Sometimes you just get me.

Quite a few of the Daily Trips we have done over the last nearly 18 months have been focused around not fighting what we are feeling, but just being present with it. It’s definitely something I feel has benefited me a lot over the last few years. As I’ve put it bluntly before, it’s okay to sit in the shit for a bit, and then keep moving forward. I can tell when I’m trying to not feel something; when I’m fighting it; when I’m trying to out run it. It always catches up with me. Not immediately, but certainly inevitably.

So for today’s meditation, I was told to let myself be whatever I am. To let myself be exhausted. To show self-compassion, and to just keep moving forward, one gentle step at a time. I know I’ve just spent three nights away and recharged, but it’s not a cure-all for the last few stressful and full-on months. Last night was a bit of a shocker, and although it hasn’t undone all the good work from the weekend, it didn’t help me while I was trying to catch up on a bunch of things, as well as attend an appointment today.

But here I am, being in the present, grateful for health and family and friends and love. And for now that’s all I need to be.

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