Fairness is a funny thing. It seems like a good idea to be fair, but fair doesn’t necessarily mean equal, and things won’t always be even, but might seem fair. I think. Maybe. It’s confusing! I was trying to find some quotes around fairness, but none of them really resonated with me. This one got close though.
Growing up with only one sibling, everything was pretty much 50/50. That seemed fair, and it was mostly equal. But having four kids, with 6.5 years between the oldest and youngest, things aren’t always going to seem fair. When Chance was three and Quinn was one, a good friend of mine, with four kids aged about 6-13 at the time, indirectly taught me that things don’t always have to be equal, and whether it’s “fair” or not, is irrelevant. Life isn’t fair, or at least often isn’t going to feel fair, but it’s how you deal with it that matters.
When my kids say something along the lines of “it’s not fair” I will either say “oh well” or “it doesn’t have to be fair to be equal, and it doesn’t have to be equal to be fair.” I’m trying to teach them not to keep count, or keep score, or keep tabs on things. Every day is a re-set. And I hope that they will take it upon themselves to remember that maybe they got something the other day that one of the others didn’t, and will take the opportunity to be kind and generous with their siblings, just because it’s a nice thing to do. Kindness is more important than fairness.
They all wanted to help decorate a cake today, so I did make it equal and “fair” for them and they all had the best time. Sometimes it’s okay to make it equal. I think. Maybe. Gosh who knows. It’s so confusing!!! 🙂
I’m not sure if it was fair or equal, but I do know it tastes delicious 🙂