It still stings

There are wounds we carry around with us that we think have fully healed, but a bump or graze out of left field can open them up again when we least expect it. We sit there, a little dazed and confused, looking at the gaping wound, picking at it, almost curiously.

Why are you still there? I’ve done so much work to help you heal. Why did that little bump, compared to the original massive trauma, cause you to open up again? Why am I feeling that pain now as if nearly three years of healing hasn’t occurred?

That’s the thing about grief after a traumatic event. You can do all the work and put in all the time and see all the benefits and feel like you’re really moving forward, but you have to understand; I have to remember; that it’s all a process; two steps forward, one step back. Sometimes it feels like two steps forward, 18 steps back, but we have to trust that the work we have done up to that point, has made us stronger, braver, more resilient, and filled us to overflowing with grace and empathy, that we can keep moving forward with.

The thing I’m most aware of, and most grateful for, is my family and friends; my crew; my village; whatever I want to call you; I have a community; an army; to help me up when I fall, to sit with me in the quiet when my heart is too heavy for words, and to promise me that I am stronger than anything that comes my way. I may not feel invincible right now with my gaping wound, but this wound will heal, and I’ll continue to travel this path. I am capable.

~~~ I don’t want to worry anyone – I’m okay. Just had a rough week xx ~~~

2 Comments

  1. That little verse is one my choir loves to sing and it is just gorgeous. I will think of you next time we gather to harmonise our voices with Leunig’s poignant song.

  2. Sending so much love Ren. It is so interesting reading this in one go. It really feels like an actual roller coaster. Wow, you are in such a good place right now, oh, no actually you are not at all – of course (stomach drop). You will be okay though, we both know that xoxoxoxo

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