There are moments in life that take you by surprise; they catch your breath; they make you pause; hopefully they serve as a reminder of how good life is right at this minute, they make your reflect, before moving on with your day.
Tonight I was surrounded by my tribe; my school Mums and Dads and all the kids (so many kids!!) and food and fun and laughter and wine and costumes and banter and deep conversations over Prosecco and pats on the back because this parenting gig is a lot of work and just this space to be us while the kids run around, high on life and sugar and the fact that they ate doughnuts and lollipops for dinner.
I looked around at these people, brought into my life under the cruelest of circumstance, and I couldn’t help but have all the feels. Frith and I used to host these kinds of parties – the smell of the BBQ in anticipation of the feast to come, adults drinking an assortment of beverages, kids running wild in the toyroom and Lego room and back yard, friends mingling, strangers meeting for the first time, people re-acquainting after meeting at the last gathering…
We walked home tonight in such contentment, and once the kids were in bed, I allowed all of these feelings to wash over me. So often when this nostalgia hits me, the pain is too much and I push it aside for another day. But lately I’ve been a little more daring with allowing myself to sit in the shit for a bit and see what happens. And every time, I come out the other side. My mascara is smudged and my eyes sting a little, but my heart has had yet another opportunity to do some healing.
I will remind myself that this is a good thing; that these moments don’t present themselves every day, and that some days I will feel brave enough to seize them, and other days I will thank them kindly, and know I will see them again soon enough. In the meantime, I will walk in the moonlight with my kids and be okay with the fact that my dinner tonight consisted of doughnuts and Prosecco, and that we have a community of people with whom we are building a lifetime of memories.